This is something I have asked myself countless times over the last few years. But the pull to do it just keeps outweighing the caution not to, and I’m choosing to trust my gut!
Lets backtrack to the beginning, i’ll give you all a brief run down of how I got to this decision, (we will get into the nitty gritty a bit further down the track). In my senior years of high school I fell victim to an eating disorder that completely threw not only mine but my families life into turmoil. As I began to recover from my eating disorder I had this need to write everything down, my feelings, things I remembered, just keep a journal of my experience. This turned out to be quite influential in my recovery, it was as though the process of pulling the words out of the overwhelming haze that was my mind and putting them on paper took away some of the power they held over me.
I have always wanted to do something with this journal as when I really started to feel ok with where I was at, I developed a passion for wanting to help others do the same. Eating disorders are not often talked about and sometimes are disregarded as not important, yet they affect so many people and it causes me so much pain to see someone in the thick of such an awful mental illness. I first started collating the journal into the form of a novel and this was going really well until, well… it didn’t. I just didn’t feel to be getting anywhere so I gave up, put it aside and let life get in the way.
It wasn’t until last year that I pulled my ‘novel’ out again and had a little read over it. It’s funny to say, but I was a little surprised by what I had written. As much as I thought I remembered what it was like, I really didn’t until I had these notes in front of me and I was so thankful that I chose to write these thoughts down when I did. Yes, they aren’t great memories, but in doing so I may have quite a valuable resource that could help others. My attitude towards food and my body was completely un-relatable to how I think now and this is what reminded me why I wanted to write the book in the first place.
However this was also where the hesitation comes into it. I feared that people who read this might find the thoughts I was having as quite pathetic, and to be honest, to a mentally stable person these thoughts do appear very black and white, but the fact is the simplest of things become so overpowering, completely controlling your mind. The hesitation was also in me questioning, what makes my story special? What could anyone learn from me? Well, this all changed when I recently gave birth to my first child.
In the first few months of being a parent I can’t tell you how much I love the extra comfort and support that comes from hearing real experiences. I talk to so many other parents and have a stream of ‘mum blogs’ that I love to engage with and relate to. That’s when I realised, my story doesn’t have to be special, it’s a story, and what could anyone learn from me? Who knows, everyone’s experiences are so diverse so maybe nothing, but maybe, just maybe, someone will learn something.
So here it is, the ‘novel’ has been pushed aside and the content has been reformed into a blog format. This blog will be a platform for me to share my personal experience in hope that by doing so, others can take something from me and use it to help them. I am by no means an expert and do not wish to be seen as such but what I do promise is to be real.
To those of you reading who may be in the thick of an eating disorder, I hope this blog provides you with comfort to the fact that you are not alone and encourages you to see the brighter side of life. To those on the sidelines, I hope this gives you an insight into what your loved one MIGHT be thinking and therefore how you might be able to support them through.
Have a Lovely Day,